Friday, July 22, 2011

"It Happenend One Night" a true story

 I am not goint to bore you with the long version.  I will let you fill in the blanks yourself.  But let me start out saying this:

I am devastated, emotionally crushed, withered to my very soul. I have been treated unfairly and unjustly, I feel as though I have been grievously wronged. I am Sad beyond words. Well not beyond words cause I am never, beyond words.



But I am so disappointed in My Vickie. In fact I am sure it will take me 10 minutes or more to forgive her even though at this moment she is doing everything she can to get me to absolve her for hurting my delicate heart so much this day

So Here is what happened......in a nutty shell.....



 How My Vickie Saw It:

Tonight, My Vickie calls Murphys mom Paulette and says...Lets go riding and see if we can find some moose to photograph.  We will have to leave Murphy and Bert behind.

Do you want to go?   "Yes" says Paulette and they meet up at the mouth of the canyon and head up.
 It was a beautiful evening (At least that is what I heard from My Vickie, see I wasn't there so I can't say for sure)  and they saw lots of lovely meadows and
 cool flowers.  My Vickie saw these cause she read int Romping and Rolling in the Rockies, that we all need to start looking at the little things close to the ground.   And boy was K & R right.
 And then they looked up and were treated to:
 Moose
 and deer
 and more beautiful scenery.
 When she got home (around 11 pm) My Vickie noted in her mind that I was not outside to greet her.  All the others were, Jamie, Abby, Scrappy, Willa, and four of our overnight guests and even The Devil Himself (Allred) was out there to meet her.  But not me.
 She came inside and I was in the office/living room.   I greeted her wholeheartedly.   "Oh, My Vickie, your Home.....your Home....."   I even stood up on my hind legs to get her attention and to get some pets without the other dogs getting in my way.

she gave me a few pets and called me a lovely boy and then she went over to the office phone and the computer and started checking messages.

She heard a "Different" sound and when she twisted in her chair to see what it was, My eyes greeted her and she looked at me and then started screaming....."BERT   BERT  What are you doing?"   "oh BERT  Shame on you SSHHAAMMEE.    OOOOOHHHHH, I can't beleive you would do that"

I was devistated, but I couldn't stop doing what I was doing.   I continued to pee all over the floor, in the house, right in front of her.........

 All the time, that Evil Devil Cat Allred was standing in the kitchen with the look on his face that you see above.  Smug, evil and wicked.........
What really happened from my side of it:

It is simple.....the minute My Vickie left....SATAN took over and I have the scratch on my face to prove it.   Minding my own business, just waiting patiently for My Vickie to come back, I lay on one of the dog beds sleeping.

Evil Devil Cat comes up and smacks me.   I go to a corner and try and hide.
 Evil cat goes to the kitchen and blocks the doggy door so I can't go out.  I wait and wait, hoping he will give up on his quest to torment me.  I wait and wait.
 You gotta understand.  I havn't been out for hours and I really have to go.  You know what I mean GO!......

Oh, I have been a perfect pup all my life, I have never messed in the house, I won't do it now.   I'll just hold on till My Vickie Comes Back.

Oh gosh, hurry Vickie Hurry.  Huryy
 Evil cat continues to guard the door.  I can't move for fear my bladder will burst. 

Oh what is that sound.  Yes.....its the truck.....FINALLY...

Hurry Hurry. 

Allred steps out but I fear he is hiding behind the dog door and will smack me again so I wait. 

Finally she comes in......I try to tell her of my desperate need, I try to tell her to look and she will see The Devil Cat sitting again in front of the doggy door.

Please My Vickie PLEASE.... What are you doing?   No No Not the computer, the DOOR.......

Oh help me please help me.  

Whoops,  never mind........aaaahhhhhh
I have to say, that it didn't take My Vickie too long to figure out what happened and she has been trying to make it up to me for a few days now.  She has loved on me a ton, she has taken me to the lake twice and I got to go to a puppy party.  I'll tell you all about them tomorrow but for now, she is getting ready to take me to the park again. 

This might have all been worth it......Bring it on Allred you spawn of satan.

Have a nice day every one.

Bert

32 comments:

Adrienne said...

Poor Bert. It happens sometimes.

ra husky said...

Aw that's OK Bert! Hope your weekend goes better, play bows,

NukNuk

♥♥♥ The OP Pack ♥♥♥ said...

Oh dear, poor Bert, and poor Mom. We think it is time for you and Allred to have a little meeting to set him straight on what he can and cannot do. Silly cat, what was he thinking?

Woos ~ Phantom, Thunder, and Ciara

The Army of Four said...

Bert! Poor Bert! It was bad enough that your Vickie went out without you ... but left to be tormented by a CAT?!?! I just don't trust those things. I know my brother does, but I don't buy into it. We should set Allred up with Maude the Bully Cat from next door. Maybe they'd run off together.
Did I mention Maude jumped out of the bushes at me last night in the dark?
Woo.
Luv,
Dave

Sara said...

Poor,poor Bert.

Ya know, when ya gotta go, ya gotta go.

rottrover said...

Are you sure you weren't *pissed off* that your Vickie took off without you? That seems SO unfair!! Our mom left us for a WHOLE weekend last weekend, and she STILL owes us!!

-Gizmo, Bart and Ruby

Sam said...

You poor guy. Monty and Sam know some really good lawyers...

Sam

Tanner and Beth said...

Well, at least something good came from it! Sometimes those humans just don't understand us. No matter how hard we try to communicate.

Puppy Kisses,
Tanner

Whisppy said...

Oh Bert. That's a terrible ordeal you went through. It reminds me of the time when my bladder is about to burst, and I finally find the toilet, open the door and find a LONG QUEUE in there. Wait anxiously and as I am the next in line, the person in the cubicle decides to take FOREVER. The AGONY. I feel for you...really. I'm glad Your Vickie realised that and is trying her best to make it up to you...

Finn said...

That's terrible! I am sure Vicki understands, you'e always such a good boy!

browndogcbr said...

Hi Y'all!

Oh Bert! I'm so glad I don't have a devil cat, or any cat for that matter!

I strongly suggest a crate for Allred! Keep him in it when your Vicki has to leave.

Y'all come by now,
Hawk aka BrownDog

Mr. Pip said...

Oh Bert, that's just terrible! I get along with my kitty siblings pretty well, but they are still cats and they often have hidden agendas and can't be trusted!

Your pal, Pip

2browndawgs said...

Hey Bert, make sure you let Your Vickie make it up to you for another few days. Seems like that is the least she could do. :)

the 2 brown dawgs

Frankie Furter said...

Awwwwww BERT... this is just a terrible TAIL/tale. I have tears in my eyes... ARE YOU SURE it was really Allred??? Perhaps it was a SQUIRREL in a CatSuit. I mean REALLY.. preventing you from going OUT to Pee.. Hideous!! Just HORRID!! Want to come live with ME???

Shawnee the Shepherd said...

I never knowed that debil kittehs could be so useful. I has to tuck this away in my brain fur future references... Only prawblem is our kittehs is separated from us dawgs coz my sis Sydney wants to put the bitey on them. She do be so silly. Mebbe you need to borrow her to tune up your Evil Devil Cat - I send her on ofur, k? BTW, great flowah and moose and deer pikshures!

Honey the Great Dane said...

Oh Bert - you poor thing! That sounded do traumatic! But I'm glad Vicki figured out the truth! :-)

Slobbers,
Honey the Great Dane

Kolchak Puggle said...

Oh Bert. Why do humans even insist on HAVING those clawed demons in their houses? I mean really, they are pure evil in feline form.I am so sorry the kitty did that to you!

Mack and Murph said...

Oh, Bert. We are new to your blog. And we feel so bad for you. We totally believe your side of the story! Evil kitty!

Mack & Murph
http://mackandmurph.blogspot.com/

houndstooth said...

Oh Bert, my condolences! It's so hard when our people just don't get it at times. My sister Morgan could take care of that Allred problem for you, I'm thinking! ;)

Bunny

Totally Timmy said...

Oh Bert..just found your blog!! My Pippin had a "leak" after playing in the water. He just started leaking..and leaking all around the living room, dinning room..sigh..at least you had a good excuse!

Meeka said...

Oh no! Lesson learned for Vickie I'm sure.
As for Allred, well, he's got nine lives so you're stuck with him for a long, long time.

Reilly / Bree said...

Sometimes the hoomass just don't listen to what we are saying. But don't worry buddy - we have have embarrassing moments.

Mango said...

The Mango is so conflicted from reading that story. On the one paw, evil kitteh is SCARY! On the other, you scored some extra love from your human, so what is a dog to do?

Maybe next time you can get one of those wheelie things yourself and go on the moose hunt.

Slobbers,
mango

GOOSE said...

Bert my Brother, I feel for ya. You know I have a past reputation for dealing with the evil cats, yes I have a record. I’m not proud of it, but it is what it is. So just say the word and next time I come to day care I CAN take care of devil cat.
GOOSE

Sarge said...

Hey Bert!
Wow, you poor pooch! I think you were totally justified to do that piddle because you were left behind! Surely Your Vickie could have taken you along for that pawesome walkie! Those pix are amazing and you should have been there too. Cats are definitely rotten, rotten, rotten, but I think the blame goes directly to the peep for this one! You're Not Guilty By Reason of Peep Neglect!
Grr and Woof,
Sarge, COP

Curt Rogers said...

Not only am I deeply impressed by the photos you took on your ride up the canyon (how important it is, indeed, to look at the small things close to the ground, as well as those bigger ones hiding among the grasses and trees!) but I am laughing and smiling at poor Bert's heartfelt take of woe! What an evil cat he has to tolerate! Duncan has three but fortunately they all get along (they were raised by Golden Retrievers so they know how to behave and play nice). Poor Bert. Poor, poor Bert!

Sugar the Golden Retriever said...

Woof! Woof! Oh! h! to VICKIE n not to you ... totally understand. Oh to VIckie photos ... she had a fabulous walk. Lots of Golden Woofs, Sugar

Jan's Funny Farm said...

Hey, your Vickie sounds like a decent human, just a little slow on the uptake like the rest of them. But at least she finally figured out the truth.

Maybe it's a good thing we don't have a doggy door here. Then we can blame any accident on Jan not opening the door for us. **big smiles**

KB said...

Oh Bert. I think that you just discovered a way to get special attention for days and days and days!!! Please forgive your Vickie - she's only a human, and we humans have lots of faults.

I love the flowers that your Vickie found when she looked close to the ground! But, with moose nearby, maybe she shouldn't follow my crazy notions!

Boondocks and The Love Shack Pack said...

Bert, Mom laughed so hard!!! Thanks for telling your story. We are sure it happened just as you described!!

AROOOOF!
Boondocks and The Love Shack Pack

Sagira said...

I think we have all been there a time or two Bert. :)

Sagira said...

I think we have all been there a time or two Bert. :)