Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Allred Rules

Lately I have been thinking a lot about this “Leader of the Pack” stuff Vickie has been watching on TV. There is this guy, he is called the “Dog Whisperer” and he is always telling people that they should puff out their chests and demand respect…They should demand leadership in the home…..DEMAND DEMAND.

Then there is this lovely woman on a show called “It’s Me or the Dog”. Now her approach to leadership in the home is a little gentler and, well, just the way Vickie does it. It is kind and loving yet she teaches you that there are limits and good and bad behaviors. Acceptable and not acceptable.

For me that was the best way but I know that for some of you, the other guy might be your choice.

So I spend almost two years (just incase you want to know, I am almost two years old. May 15th is my birthday…..just incase you are inclined to do gifts.) (I still want a ferrat)

Again....Don’t even think about it!!!!!!

Mmmmm well I guess I aint gettin no ferret.
So anyway, I spend almost two years here in this home and try to learn all the rules, and believe me, all these girls, have a LOT of rules for a guy.

I finally think I have figured out the rules and feel like I have worked myself up the ranks of the family ladder in respect and love. I think I have earned the rights of being the “Man of the House” the leader, well at least a Corporal under the General.

The General being Vickie.

I can go where I want, when I want, do what I want (within the boundries Vickie has set) sleep where I want. I mean this is MY CASTLE and I am the Prince…..

Prince Albert is my name afterall. (I bet many of you didn’t know that, did you…..)

KC knows he is merely a guest, Scrappy realizes I have size and rank on my side, Abby accepts that because I am a boy, I have all the rights of the kingdom and Jamie, well Jamie will rule till the day she dies, but I am the Prince who will succeed her.

At least that is what I thought until…..

Allred moved in.
Yes, one night, into our lives comes this hungry, cold, old (I mean really old) CAT.

Crying at the gate one cold winter night, weak and close to death, Vickie brings him into my castle to give him a nice warm meal and a safe place to stay.

I hadn’t had much experience with cats up till this time. I had seen them running wild outside the perimeter of my estate but never once had any one of them come close enough to our property for me to get to know them. (True, we do have two cats of our own, or so I hear, but they never come downstairs. So I really havn't had much to do with them)

The outside ones, well They were just creatures that lurked in the dark. Not really scary, just interesting to watch and wonder about. At least that is what I knew of cats until Allred.

He moved right in here taking over the house like it was his and had been his forever.

We have all lived here in relative peace. Yes there are rules, like never go near Abby when she is eating, never take food off the counter tops….Don’t get into the garbage can and drag left overs through the house… know….the basics…

But Allred moves in and all of a sudden there are NEW RULES….We call them Allred Rules.

I don’t understand how a creature as small as Allred can come in and change the dynamics of a whole house in a matter of few short weeks.
1. I used to be able to go anywhere I wanted in the house at any time without fear.

NOW I don’t dare walk around the corner without checking first to see if I might be entering a room where Allred is. If I do walk in without his permission I am most likely to see a speeding bolt of lightning come across the room, slap me on the face with razer sharp claws and then return to his previous spot in the blink of an eye.

I am standing there with blood dripping off my face from a tiny little jagged slice of freshly opened skin, wondering what happened.

2. Once upon a time I had my own very comfortable thick cushioned bed with a lovely green blanket over it.

NOW, well now, it just isn’t mine anymore. It belongs to Allred. Everything belongs to Allred. Eeewww I don’t even like saying the name…..Allred…..

2. And then there is Breakfast and Dinner time. I used to be able to eat my food, then go and clean up the rest of the girls bowls. I love licking the bowl, there is always lovely leftovers.

NOW, I better eat my own food then slip out the back door until everyone is through, including Allred…..or he (Allred) will attack me, gouging the back of my legs, and grabbing my behind with his old, yellow, yet still very sharp teeth….all three of them. And let me tell you from personal experience that those three teeth can really hurt.

I just don’t know what Vickie was thinking that dark night weeks ago. It saddens me to think that I have lost my Princehood to this little four legged feline Hitler…..

How long do cats live anyway?

1 comment:

Brian said...

Are you serious? Find Allred a new home! Bert is your baby, and should be top dog- not even able to have his bed to himself anymore- that's just sad.